Page 14, The Herald, Tuasday, Octeber 3, 1978 Dea rAbby| State Tough On Teen Marriages By Abigall Van Buren © 1978 by Chicago Tribuse. N.Y. News Synd. Inc DEAR ABBY: This is in reference to the 16-year-old girl who is begging her mother to lat her get married: . Tn some states, the decision ta allow teenagers to marry does not lie with the parents, For example, in the state of Washington, no child under the age of 17 may marry with or without parental consent without a court's permission. Kids between 17 and 18 re- quire permission. After 18, they require only a witness. In one cane, a 15-year-old girl was pregnant by a 17-year- old boy, Both his family and hers tried to get the judge tolet them get married. At first he refused because he talked to the kids and didn't think they were sufficiently “sincere.” Only after they attended several months of counseling did the judge feel they were ready for marriage, aftér which he gave his consent. Another case: A 14-year-old girl asked for permission to get married because she was pregnant. The judge refused, saying that wasn't a good enough reason. The girl had her baby, waited until her 18th birthday, and then got married. Many parents feel it is their right to give or withhold per- missian to marry, but the state of Washington says dif: ferently. 8. IN SNOHOMISH, WASH. DEAR B.: At firet | thought someone was giving me a “Suoho” job, but a call toa Washington lawyer confirmed your facts, Thanks for the information. DEAR ABBY: ] have a suggestion for people who would like to leave their worldly gaads to favorite relatives a. 4 special friends. ; O NOT write: “I want Sister Diane to have the gold brooch 1 got from Auat Sophie." DO WRITE: “I want my sister Diane to have my 14kt. gold broochin the shape of an owl with dlamond eyes.” (If you have more than one gold brooch, na one may remember which one your Aunt Sophie gave you for your 16th birthday 55 years ago.) Or, better still, if you don’t have one of those instant cameras, borrow one and take a picture of every valuable ilem you own— and write the name of the person you want to have it on the back of the picture. That way there will be no misunderstanding. MRS. N.IN L.A, DEAR MRS. M.: Good idea, hut very few people are Prepared to accept the fact that they can’t take it with them — or indeed, that they are even goingl DEAR ABBY: Several years ago we wanted a third child. We joyausly weleomed a J-year-old child inte our existing famity. My husband, our social worker and I were certain the adoption would be a happy one. It wasn't. I still feel the pain of the six months that child was with us, So much had happened in her little life that the adjust: ment could not be made. At the time af our anguish, I read every book and article I could find about adoption. No one mentioned the pitlalls or even the possibility of an unsue- cessful adoption — only the glawing accounts of the “happily- ever-alter” successful adoptions, I have been tempted to publish the story of our failure, but T hesitate because I don't want to discourage others from adapting children who desperately need a loving home. One of the most difficult things we had to deal with was a problem noone mentioned - the sexually abused child, As I write this 1 can still hear the child's sereams as my loving * husband tried Lo hold her. We finally understood when she told us in detail how “that bad man” had hurt her. We had heped that our patience, kindness and love woutd help. Perhaps it did—but not enough. ANONYMOUS, PLEASE Are your prableme too heavy to handte alone? Let Abby - help you. For a personal, unpublished reply, write; Abby: Box 69700, Loe Angeles, Calif. 90069. Enclose a statiped, self-addressed envelope. Crossword sausage 42 Incarnation of Vishnu M4 Laid bare 15 Girl's name 16 Ship's record 17 Hindu queens 19 — King Cole 20 Indonesians of Mindanao 22 Fleur-