* Two short stories

It’s Unpatriotic To Have{Bubies by Mike Gold
The Death; of Archimedes

by Karel oe

It’s Unpatriotic
To Have Babies

HEY asked this feller named
Roddy to go out and fight
Russia tomorrow and save Tur-
key and Greece or something,
‘and he answered: “I really wish
I could, but honest, I am so
loaded up with troubles that I
do not see how I will have the
time.

“For instance, my wife is go-
ing to have a baby—our first—
somewhere in June. I admit this
may be a mistake on our part.
A guy whould not take time off
forgguch trifles, maybe, when the
King of Greece needs us so much
and those persecuted Pashas in
Turkey, and all that.

“Yes, I read the papers. I
know we must all put our unl-
forms on and chase out the peo-
ple from’ Russia, China, Poland,
and Bulgaria, Czechoslovakia,
France, Italy and Brazil, and all
the rest. It’s our duty, but Jenny
will have the baby in Jurfe.

“I apologise. It all happened
like in a dream. I had been
stuck in the Pacific for dour
years, as you know. Jenny is a
kid I grew up with on the side-
walks of Flatbush.

“We were, foolish and never
got married before I felt for the
beautiful islands. So during four
years in the Pacific I was just
moping for her. I was lonesome
as hell. While sleeping in a
mushy foxhole full of fleas and
blood, with bullets buzzing over-
head, I'd dream of Jenny with
the beer-blonde hair.

“My God, I love that girl! She
loves me too! It’s crazy,
when I got back after four years
and took her in my arms, wasn’t
it heaven? And how could I
help kissing her that night?

“We were legally married after
all, in church, with a City Hall
license. I had a right to kiss
her. Also, I had to kiss her or
bust because I loved her too
much. She .felt the same after
four years working in a lonely

Shipyard.

“We loved each other! That’s
how it happened, Uncle! I see
now it ‘was a sin and a mistake!
But ‘honest not for a second did
we dream you were going to
have a new world war so soon!

“y swear on a stack of Bibles
it will never happen again!

About the author

IKE GOLD, who cele-
brated his 60th birth-
day last year,.is one of the
greatest living American
writers. His university was
the tough East Side of New
York where, from the age
of 13, he knew hard work
and poverty. His first pub-
lished piece was a poem
written for The Masses,
whose tradition is continu-
ed in Masses and Main-
‘stream. A collection of his
writings, the Mike Gold
Reader, is obtainable here
at the People’s Cooperative
Bookstore, 337 West Pen-
der, price $1.65 (paper) or
$3 (cloth).

but

/We.

will never oe another ‘baby!
I see now how unpatriotic it is.

“World wars used to come

every 20 years. Now they come
every twelve months. Anybody
who stops to have a baby is just
betraying his country.

“J am going to tell all my old
buddies that are planning babies
they shouldn’t do it but that
every good citizen should stop
making babies while there is a
world war every year, and we
have to clean out all the people’
from Russia, Bulgaria, France,
China, Poland, Greece, Turkey,

‘Palestine, Italy, Brazil and so

on.

“So that’s the situation. What??
Repeat your question, please.
Why can’t I just leave for Tur-
key and Greece and let Jenny
have the baby alone? Yeah,
yeah, you’re right — it is the
woman that actually produces
the baby and not the man. The
man is always free to go to
Greece to fight for the King.

*

“But you still don’t know all -

OU know the story about Archi-
medes wasn’t at all the way
they wrote it up; it’s true he was
killed when the Romans conquer-
ed Syracuse, but not that a Ro-
man soldier boke into his house
to plunder and that Archimedes,
absorbed in drawing some geo-
metric constructions, growled at
him angrily, “Don’t spoil my
circles!”

In the ifirst place, Archimedes

was no absent-minded professor
who didn’t know what was going
an around him. On the contrary,
he was by nature a real soldier
who had invented military mach-
ines for Syracuse, for the defense
of the city. In the second place,
the Roman soldier was not a
drunken pillager, but an educat-
ed and ambitious staff lieutenant
named Lucius who knew with
whom he had the pleasure and
who had not come to plunder, in-
stead he gave a military salute in
the BGOIWAN 7 and said, “Good day,
Archimedes.” j

_ Lucius.

‘Archimedes raised his eyes
from the wax tablets where he
actually was drawing something,
and said:

“Now what?”

“Archimedes,” said Lucius, “we ~
know that without your military
machines these Syracusans could-

n’t have held out a month, as it
was, they kept us busy for two
years. You needn’t think that
we soldiers don’t know how to
appreciate that. Splendid mach-
ines, I congratulate you.”

_ Archimedes waved his hand.
“Please. That was nothing. An
ordinary projectile mechanism—
a mere toy. It has no great sig-
nificance scientifically.”

“But it has for the military,”
remarked Lucius. “Listen here,

t

‘the Meat ‘Trust,

circle all the same.

my troubles, sonal: Jenny and
I are doubling up with another
couple. There is a housing short-
age on, or didn’t nobody tell

“you? :

“So we double up. Jenny and
I sleep in the sitting room, Joe
and Martha in the bedroom. The
apartment has these two rooms
and a bathroom. It’s one of
tho.e shiny little modern New
York apartments. They have all
the modern improvements except
some space to live in.

“Anyway, we figured we might
park the baby in the bathroom.
Or maybe we could all sleep in
the sitting. room and give the
baby the’ bedroom. And so forth.

“By the way the price of food
and clothing has gone up 95 per-
cent since 1939.
raised only 20 percent on my
job in the pencil factory.

“It’s my fault, I know, as I
should not have put all my
thoughts on the Japanese in the
Pacific. but paid some heed to
and the Steel
Trust and all the other war

eath o

Archimedes, I came to tell you
that you should work with us.”

“With whom?”

“With us Romans. You must
know afterall that Carthage is
on the decline. Why should you
give them any more help? Just
watch us fix Carthage. You'd
better come along with us, all
of you.”

“Why?” grumbled Archimedes.
“Tt just so happens that we Syra-
cusans are Greeks. Why should
we go along with you?”

“Because you live in vote and
we need Sicily.”

“And why do you need it?”

“Because we want to rule the
Mediterranean.”

“Aha,” jsaid Archimedes, and
looked thoughtfully at his wax
tablet. “And what do you need
it for?”

“Whoever rules the Mediter-
ranean rules the world,” said
“That’s clear, after all.”

“Now, do you really have to
rule the world?”

“Yes, the Romans” mission is to

“become rulers of the earth. And.

I tell you they will ‘be, too.”

“Maybe,” said Archimedes, and
erased something from the wax
tablet. “But I shouldn’t advise
you to, Lucius. Look here, rul-
ing the world can give you a ter-
rible lot of trouble sometimes. It’s
a pity to go to all the work you'll
have with it.”

“All the same, we'll be a great
empire.”

“Great empire,” mumbled Ar-
chimedes. “If I draw a small

circle or a big circle, it’s only a
There are
limits still — you’ll never get rid
of the limits, Lucius. Do you
think that a big circle is more

I have been |

“Or maybe we could all sleep in the sitting room.

head, I was selfish 4
about myself ge
about the poor - 7
and all the Standard ae Pee

racketeers and enemies at home.

“Please, don’t ask me to de-
tert my wife in ther hour of
need. i promise’ never to be
responsible for another baby. It
was all a mistake. I lost my

Archimedes

perfect pian a small circle? Do
you think you are a greater geo-

metrician if you draw a larger.

circle?” >

“Your Greeks are always play-
ing around with arguments,” ob-
jected Lucius. “We show we are
right in a different way.”

“How?”

“By deeds. Wor example, we
conquered your Syracuse. Ergo,
Syracuse belongs to us. Isn’t that
clear enough proof?”

“It is,’ said Archimedes, and
scratched his head with his
stylus. “Yes, you conquered Syra-
cuse, only it isn’t and won’t be
the same Syracuse it was. This
was a great and glorious city, my
dear man, now it will never be
great again. It’s a pity about
Syracuse.” : i

“On the other hand Rome will
be great. Rome must be the
strongest on the whole terrestrial
sphere.”

“Why?”

_ “To defend herself. The strorfg-
er we areg the more enemies we
have. Therefore we must be the
strongest of all,”

“A's far as force is concerned,”
~mumbled Archimedes. “I

am
somewhat of 2 physicist, Lucius,
and I'll tell’ you something, force

’ counterbalances force.”

oe t beak

“That's a sort of law, Lucius.
Force exerted is counterbalanc-
ed. ‘The stronger you are the
more force you will need to use;
and there will come a time .. .”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, nothing. I’m no prophet,
my dear fellow, I am only a phy-
sicist. Force ‘balances force.
More than that I don’t know.”

“Listen here, Archimedes,
wouldn’t you like to work with
us? You have no idea what huge
possibilities would open up for
you in Rome. You would con-
struct the strongest military ma-

chines in the, -world—”

PACIFIC TRIBUNE - wi ~ JUNE 3, 1955

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