8 Terrace Review -— Wednesday. November 27, 1991 iat ‘ing to the newreleases on the . outside a war zone or downtown fusion generally incites a family © debate about sequels we have or haven't seen. "Didn't we already see number four?" This question sparks roll- Dangling participles, fathesless pronouns, coordinating conjunctions, sentence fragments, comma splices, adjectives versus - adverbs, Formal, Informal = let's _ face it, grammar is about as. - exciting as a pan of dirty dishwater. Grammar originally meant the study of writing — it began as the study of what should be done in - writing, not in speaking. A language that was spoken but not written did not have grammar, When Latin became a dead language, written but no longer spoken, it has lots of grammar. Students in an English grammar school studied Latin. English, on _ the other hand, was a spoken Janguage and therefore had no grammar. Besides, how could English be studied? It wasn’t dead yet. Then the English language shifted over into a written - language. The fact that it was sull alive and kicking did little to prevent the mysterious Rules Committee from diving in with both feet. And they have been ‘in “Grammatical Heaven” ever since. A dictionary of the English language in 1972 would have contained anywhere from 100,000 to 500,000 entries Cit has since expanded considerably due to technological advancements). Four out of five words are nouns, and most words are technical and of no importance. Most people use only a few thousand words but recognize five to 10 times that number wheni reading. Gorillas recognize 350 words. That a writicn language must have a few common-sense fulcs is obvious. Writing strives to duplicate what is spoken. Temust be pleasing to thé eye yet still three different movie sequels." "Nah, you’re thinking of num- ber four." "Mom, get a grip on reality here. Let’s just pick a video." "But wasn’t it number three where Armold what’s-his-name went back in time with Michael make perfect sense to the ear. Short words are preferable to long words, as are short sentences. . - Why bore the reader with long _ windy passages and words that can only be found at the back of some obscure dictionary? Reading, like writing, should not be a stint on the torturer’s rack, | Or at least that's the way it used to be. English is now taught as if it were.a written language, that not only is it different from speech but just possibly superior to it. Not only has the rule book become fat with importance, we are continually bashed over the head with it. Some rules have a rather dubious heritage. The poet Tennyson told Prince Albert that using like as a conjunction (example:-He treats me like I was his father) was vulgar. So the Rules Committee jumped in and. made it a rule. But isn’t like a nice word? It’s short and gets straight to the point, which, after all, is supposed to be the purpose of writing, Maybe Tennyson was full of donkey donuts. We can only . guess what the Committee was full of, Some people have this quecr idea that writers should know by heart all these boring rules. Editors and English teachers are most certainly saddled with this sad task (they have my utmost sympathy), but why must writers be condemned to the same gallows? Composition means putting things together; grammar means taking them apart. I’ve just spent several hours writing this column when I could have been doing more exciting things like washing dirty laundry or vacuuming the dog. And now I’m supposed to but I’ve seen excerpts of some G- rated movie scripts written on the walls of public washrooms. The ambiguous ratings are not determined by the person behind the video rental counter, but by the people marketing the films. Ratings sell videos. And accord- tear it all apart? Give me a break! If you don’t like it, don’t read it. Writing well is difficult enough - without running to the rule book. I ‘have a grammar book that I use as a doorstop, and that seéms to be a pretty good placeforit = _ Maybe we take language far too seriously.-Is the world really going to come to a screeching halt if some poor schmuck dangles a participle? Since no one knows where language comes from, or can explain the meaning of meaning, or define a sentence, or even say what a word really is, maybe we should just forget about it. We have more pressing things to worry about... Some people are lucky, and without knowing much grammar seldom make mistakes. If the words look good, feel good, and _ sound good, they leave them alone. I have no idea if I am one of these privileged few since no one has bothered to enlighten me (although I may find a discreet note tucked into my file next time I visit the office). I might even be forced to look for a new doorstop. Good grief. - YOUR BABY CONTACT IAN & FRANCES MONRO 638-8720 and the workers gone. And behind them, they had left a financial and environmental disaster. Broken trees were strewn around the site, Skidders had been driven aimlessly across the land and destroyed the soil. Workers believed they had been cheated and threatened to sue... It had cost Jovial thousands of dollars to repair the site. And thousands mofe had been lost through the needless destruction of healthy trees. And as for the workers, Jovial simply ignored them until they drifted away. "There are hundreds more where they came from," he had said. oe "It's all my fault," Squish reflected. "I should have been on the job. I should have been here, not sitting in my office pushing a pencil. That’s not what I was hired to do, I was hired to man- age the forest. Make sure we did the job right. And I failed." Squish rested on the stump of a long-dead tree. It was still wet, but deep in thought he didn’t care. It was unfair to blame himself for what happened here, though. He had warned Jovial, and it was Jovial who directed his efforts away from the forest. In retrospect, it was almost funny, Squish decided. There had been management chaos. No one kept track of anything. A cat Shelves, G-ratings aré ‘not what's — New York. This movie contains “selling today — the further along two suggestive jokes that might the alphabet, the more popular go right over your head, buta. the movie. 10-year-old will find them hilari- The rating system I'd like to ous — don’t ask for an explana- see would be more exact. The © tion" a back of the video case would With a rating like that, at least - , explain everything. It would read we'd know what to expect. - Renting a video for family ing eyes and sighs from the J. Fox?" something like this: Now, if only I could remember viewing is a complicated exer- ranks. "Get a life, Mom.” " "Phis film contains 23 words whether we've seen sequel num- | cise. The kids want the latest "No." | The video rating system _ you would probably not repeat to ber 23 of "Emest Goes Back to releases. As parents, we look for © “Sure we did. It was the one befuddles me even more. Those your grandmother. Four of those the Future with the Terminator on’ - inspiring, clean entertainment. We with Ermest what’s-his-name little boxed letters we see on the begin with vowels. There are Friday the 13th" or not. rarely find middle ground. Some-_ killing everybody." pack of the video case are notas three body parts not normally _ The kids say we've already seen times, choosing @ video takes "That was Freddy, not Emest, telling as they should be. But I’ve exposed to strangers; and seven it. Twice, | longer than watching it. and it was number two.” More figured out that "PG" stands for —_- violent acts not often witnessed Soe . The selection is overwhelming. sighs follow, with the unspoken — “Parental Guidance", a phrase oe wo 7 | Or mavbe it isn’t. Of tliese in. end of that sentence: you:idiot. coined to particularly pique ‘the - Tat t Vv ! ht ee numerable choices, many seem to "No, it wasn’t, Number two had interest of nine year-old kids. An oO re Ss ry n Si g Ss — be mere continuations of other Mr, Spock killing only half the © "R" means that the film may con- — Continued from page 7 videos — sequels. A sequel Is people." . tain violence and questionable usually an example of a good "Wrong. You're mixing up your language, similar to our cable . idea stretched too thin. These sequels. Freddy maimed some Detroit evening news. "G" is sup-_ pene basic management of the Sai neice to be pai a things confuse me. I always think people, Ernest Just messed things posed to na for ‘Senn Audi- By the time he had returned to skidder was to earn only $3.50. we haven t see the inst sequel, up, and M". Spock a lost — ences m red on arn inspect Jovial’s phase contract- But no one knew for certain who even when we have, My con- somewhere in space. Those are pudding — ing venture, the job was done had skidded what, and as a result, pay day soon became & bookkeeper’s nightmare. Squish remembered well the © shouting and screaming down the hall. But at the time, his workload had him tied to his, desk and he failed to respond to these obvious clues. He had put blind faith in the foreman’s ability and that, he now knew, was a mistake. And there was another book- keeping problem. No one kept track of hidden costs. Squish had warned they were there, Jovial didn’t care. All Milton Jovial saw was the bottom linc. Phase contracting cost $11.05 per cubic metre while the next cheapest . method, ground skidding, cost $13.55. "Looks good," he had told Jovial at the time. “Until you. consider things like road build- ing, landing construction, and the wages of the foreman and | supervisor. For that extra $2.50, the ground skidding contractor takes care of those things him- _ self." . Squish kicked at the healing | surface of the earth. “Ground skidding,” he muttered, “is not the answer J seek. There are too many variables. Too many people to supervise. Necdiess extra layers of management. "That’s not the answer, it’s the. problem." TERRACE RESPITE CARE HOME A short stay home for children with mental handicaps Invites you to an OPEN HOUSE Parents, friends, neighbours and anyone interested in learning more about the service at Terrace Respite Care Home is welcome to join us. Place: 4832 Loen Ave. Terrace Date: Dec. 5, 1991 Time: 1:00 p.m. - 7:30 p.m. Staff available to answer any questions you may have. For further info call 635-3601, ask for Dione.