~ Page M6 March 14; 1990. This Week A free booklet was never worth more This free booklet from WOOD GUNDY tells you everything you need to know about a Government-Guaranteed investment vehicle called STRIP BONDS \ 55 STRIP BONDS are an unique RRSP instrument that offers SAFETY, LIQUIDITY ABILITY TO MATCH LIABILITIES, POTENTIAL FOR NCAPITAL GAIN - GUARANTEED YIELD, WORRY-FREE CONVENIENCE it can be quite impressivell ee WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS? A $10,000 investment made on March 14, 1990 would guarantee you the following returns: 1.5 YEAR STRIP BOND $10,000 invested today GUARANTEES you $15,000 on February 6, 1990 2,10 YEAR STRIP BOND $10,000 invested today GUARANTEES you $27,500 on April 1, 2000 3.24 YEAR STRIP BOND $10,000 invested today GUARANTEES YOU $116,890 on October 17, 2014 “Actual terms range from 1 to 25 years, and may be sold at any time prior to maturity Send for your free booklet today Roderick L. Mahrt (604) 361-2207 Wood Gundy Inc. is a wholly owned subsidiary of The CIBC Wood Gundy Corporation, which is itself, a majority-owned subsidiary of Canadian Imperial Bank of Commerce (“CIBC”). Wood Gundy Inc. WOOD #301-1803 Douglas Street. Vo BO GUNDY THE natural CHOICE FOR WALKING There's nothing better than a brisk walk to rev up your body and your mood. Get the most out of every step with this NaturalSport walking = shoe. It’s specially designed to support and : cushion your feet as you walk. Its advanced sports cushioning, flexible construction, soft “tumbled” leather uppers and overall light weight make it the natural choice for walking comfort. FULL GRAIN LEATHER BREATHABLE — 2) SS __ SOCKLINER MOLDED HEEL CUP See es SORBOTHANE HEEL CUSHION Cc INSOLE BOARD. Soe — CUSHION FLEX | < FOAM PAD —————_ EVA INSERT <= LOW DENSITY POLYURETHANE CHARGER} *86 COLOURS AVAILABLE TAUPE, GREY & WHITE ATURALIZE N 7 We Mezd. fee LUSELL “WE HAVE YOUR SIZE” an 4/44] 5 15%] 6 | 6% i 7 [7%] 8 |8%] 9 [9% | 10 10%] a1 [11%] 12 AAA elelelele/el/elele AA e e e e e@;e se e ej;e;e;e ) A Qe e e e@;e|;e/;e © B e e e e e e;eje e e e e;e|;e;e/;e e E e e eje/e e;e;e e;e D e e @ e e e,;e ©e e e NOTE: IF WE DO NOT HAVE YOUR SIZE WE CAN ORDER (NOT ALL SHOES AVAILABLE IN ALL WIDTHS SHOWN). AVAILABLE AT YOUR NATURALIZER HEADQUARTERS DOWNTOWN VICTORIA SEARLE’S SHOES 711 YATES ST 383-3324 | ee ToT eee = ETE mrenanieceny HUMOR - Y As Irish as Paddy’s pig... would rather have roses than shamrocks. I'd sooner drink ditch water than green beer. If I had to express myself in another language, I would choose French, not Gaelic. Why, then, does every IT =p th a . : . i dulging in that Irish vegetable, the potato. 1 the beginning of the evening a bowl is filled overflowing with potato chips. When the botto kt shows through, they fill it again. It is muc March 17th find me dressed in better than going to a Burn e Day celebration and facing ti *, green, claiming Irish ancestors dreaded haggis. and full of nostalgia for the === — The drink used to be a proble: Z auld sod? : == when, to be polite, I had { b Maybe it is the music, which His Jv choose between green beer ar , is shamelessly sentimental. Irish whiskey. I’ve solved it] . c I've always been a sucker for drinking strong tea. There tear-jerkers and Danny Boy nothing more Irish than a p z| gets me right in the tear ducts. of tea. a) I know all the words to Galway Is it the costume? The wear- { Bay. The jigs make your feet in’ o’ the green is so simple, yet move, whatever your country of flattering. All it takes is a rope. cre ney of them are ae oe. - ofemeralds around the neck, or ] cal, and if my ancestors had a green ribbon in the hair. It’s] | stayed put, they would have By JOAN MYLES not at all like Halloween where} been part of the army taking : pot shots at the songsters, yet this oppressor’s daughter can follow The Black Velvet Band with the best of them. you have to root through thay ragbag to find the right outfit. For St. Patrick’s Day, you don’t have to bring# a tree into the house. It isn’t expected of you to : send cards, buy presents orp Perhaps it is the accent. I know more French than Irish, but I’ve never put on a Paris- ienne accent on Bastille Day. On St. Patrick’s Day, though, I can’t stop myself from being all “faith and begorra and top o’the mornin’.” The Irish accent coats the tongue as thickly as honey coats toast. Its a fine medium for the telling of stories. Have ye heard the one about Pat and Mike? It could be the food. Our Irish friends celebrate by overin- have the family to dinner. No- body gives chocolates or sets off fireworks. You won’t be tiredi before it begins. : _ It isn’t necessary to go into} the theology of the Saint's day. Simply explain to the children a that Patrick drove the snakespe out of Ireland and they willf understand why he was saint-& ed. They'll want to join you in celebrating. If they ask “Are we} Trish?” you should reply “As Trish as Paddy's pig.” It won't bea lie. Everyone is Irish on S Patrick’s Day Mighty monarchs, every one.. | t's been said before, but it bears repeating: these are fabulous times for-millions of fortunate folk in Eastern Europe. The tyrannical yokes of evil despots from Eric Honecker to Nicolae Ceausescu have been shucked off and slung in the cobbled’ gutter of history. Many a heart bubbles over with the heady froth of freedom. Most particularly the thoroughbred hearts that beat within the patrician breasts of Mi-’ chael, Otto, Alex, Nicholas, Simeon and Leka. The aforementioned chappies constitute a royal six-pack, currently drumming their fin- gers, whistling under their breath and marking time in various five star hotels and blue-blood spas around the world. Michael is King Michael of Romania. Otto is Archduke Otto Von human nature compels some nations to single out a family of mortals and give them semi- divine powers? It’s not as if the royals are ennobled by the preferential treatment. Look at some of the blueblood bozos of history—we'vets had winners like Pepin the Short and Joanna = the Mad, Charles the Simple and Karl the Fat. Not to mention Ethelred the Unready, and o% course Ivan the Terrible. Bright? Henry III slept with raw veal chops on his cheeks, his hands lathered in pomade so that they would be white in the morning. Sane? Prince Otto of Bavaria barked like a : dog and once kept his boots on for two months. IE Cultured? Carlos II of Parma collected porno- Ba graphic watches. = Tasteful? King Leopold of Belgium wore a ‘Hapsburg. black wig, and feather boa, rouge, and shoes with three- Alex is Crown Prince Alexan- inch-thick soles. der of Yugoslavia. Nicholas is King Nicholas II of Montenegro. “Basie Black Then of course there are the = royal losers thrown up in this century—the gluttonous King @ Simeon is King Simeon II of Bulgaria. Leka is King of Albania. They are mighty monarchs, every one. They possess loyal subjects, palatial mansions, fabulous treasuries and all the pomp, splendour and pageant- ty that customarily accrue to sovereign leaders. By ARTHUR BLACK Farouk, the reptilian Shah of Iran, the dithering Dagwoodi- an Duke of Windsor. le _ Truth to tell, the six Men@§ Who Would Be Kings now § poised to reclaim their bir- § thrights in Eastern Europe seem to be more equipped for the task than the average roy- al. Only Leka I of Albania | They think. All they need to become royalty in reality is to convince their countries to take them back. Otto, Mike, Nick, Alex, Simeon and Leka are what you might call royalty in waiting. Moth- balled monarchy, if you will. They don’t actually wear crowns of sit on thrones because their . predecessors were thrown out of their jobs when the Communists took over the reins. (Or reigns.) Since then, they've been rulers in absentia, marking time in exile, casting wistful glances at their rightful kingdoms. Strange thing, this royalty business, when you think about it. What perverse quirk of _ - shows definite signs of the loo- py, off-the-palace-wall behaviour we’ve come to expect from kooky kings. He’s nearly seven feet tall, lives in South Africa, likes to walk around wearing a pistol and a dagger and is given to making pronouncements that begin: “We, King Leka and I...” Vintage imperial looniness. = Which is maybe the only real job description wa that out-of-work sovereigns have a reasonable shot at these days. To quote an expert: “Royal personages are like clowns. They amuse the people, even with their funerals, and keep them contented.” I didn’t say that—Marie did. Queen Marie. The last Queen of Romania.