EAR MISS
MANNERS — I
was invited to
spend the week-
end with my good friend
George at his parents’
farm. Both of us are gay,
but we are not involved
with each other. I got
along quite well with the
family, finding lots in
common between us.
were very

hospitable, with a big

country breakfast and
amily picture-taking.
The first afternoon I sensed a

problem in the household mood.

It turned out that George’s
father chose that day to ask him
if he was gay, and the results
were disastrous.

George's siblings were called
in from 20 miles away for a fami-
ly meeting. I found myself tact-
fully ensconced for five hours in
the upstairs bedroom during the
emotional accusations.

As the outcome was not
pleasant, George decided to
remove himself and me from the
obviously distraught household
to his sister’s house in town. As
we left, I bid a very brief thank
you and goodbye to George's
parents.

He wants to thank hosts for unp

By JUDITH MARTIN
I suspect that on top of their

emotional upheaval, there were
rather embarrassed. But I also

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1420 Douglas Street

386-7554

suspect they think they were
tricked into believing I was an
all-American, clean-cut guy. I
refuse to be indicted for either
my homosexuality or George's.
I'm confident that there was
nothing in my behavior that
caused George's father to ask
the question.

I would like to send a thank
you note. Should I just stick to
the “thank you” and pretend
that the unpleasantness never
happened?

GENTLE READER
Having been a model of discre-
tion in a difficult situation, you
would be foolish to attempt to

This Week September 5, 1990. Page M5

leasant visit

intrude now into a family mat-
ter, Miss Manners believes. Your.
orientation was not an issue
here. Miss Manners assures you
that families are quite capable of
having genuine tolerance for
friends on issues that drive
them crazy when their own rela-
tives are involved.

Your thank you letter should
express your pleasure in their
hospitality, as well as your
regret that you were in the way
at an awkward time.

By emphasizing the former
rather than the latter, you subt-
ly remind them how pleasant
things are when the household
functions normally.