m Review Wednesday, September 19, 1990 = AT

Playing the waiting game|

The stool cut into that special portion of
the man’s thigh which God installs in males
as peculiar punishment for getting marned.

The woman to whom he had plighted some
serious troth 28 years before was alive and at
large in a medium sized shopping mall in
New York City.

# The man sat on the one black stool in the
mall’s foyer trying to read a book he had had
the foresight to slip into his pocket that

moming. From time to time someone would ~

pause to ask the man where such and such a
store was. They thought he was the mall’s
information person.

Without looking up, the man would point
in a random direction and continue reading.
He figured he might be right one out of 10
which is not bad odds for someone with only
two hours of Big Apple experience under his
belt.

The stool was built for long people and the
short man’s feet dangled six inches above the
floor. He believed that God had put the tall
chair there on purpose to inflict extra punish-
ment because he had refused to participate in
a random walk through foreign stores.

The woman called it shopping.

She drifted past and announced she was off
to check out the second floor because “there
just wasn’t anything suitable at a decent
price” on the main floor.

The man pointed randomly and tumed a
page.

“Checking out” was an expression he
had difficulty with. Shopping, to him, was a
process whereby a person with a clear idea of
what he wanted to buy entered a store, bought
the item, and left to accomplish headier goals
like catching the second half of a pre-season
game on T'V.

“Hi. I need a size 11, no pattem, brown.
Those are fine. Plastic? Thanks. Good bye.
See you next year.” That’s what he thought
shopping was.

The woman says shopping like that is a
waste of time. She says wandering, fingering,
holding up to a light, trying on, putting back
and taking six hours to do so is not a waste of
time.

The man shifts slightly to allow his leg
veins to refill and glances at passersby. He
concludes that people come in different
shapes.

Some are all bottom. Others all top. Look

at that girl wearing something with the top
way down and the bottom way up. There goes
a fellow with a giant’s girth. His belt is
longer than the man’s property back home.

The man thinks of his home and wonders if
the stores there sell the same goods at the
same prices found in noisy New York where
police sirens cut through the smog like a
tusty knife slicing ripe cheese.

He says as much to the woman as she sails
by. She says she doesn’t understand his
attitude, hands him a bag and says she will be
back in a flash.

The man knows a flash is anywhere from
half an hour to a week and wonders if he
should read his book again in case he missed
one of the words the first time through.

-He checks his pocket to make sure his
wallet is intact. He wonders what he’d do if
he was robbed. He wouldn’t tell the nearby
security guard who is packing a pistol and a
walkie-talkie which blasts out a non-stop list
of major atrocities committed in parts
unknown.

The man shifts to encourage circulation
and the guard goes for her gun. The man
grins stupidly, waves in what he hopes is a
reassuring manner and waits for his heart rate
to slow.

A loose-jointed boy walks in and begins
break dancing in an aisle. A floorwalker
approaches him but his mother is faster. The
kid’s spine straightens and he’s marched off
to learn about shopping.

The 300-pound, black floorwalker in the
purple jacket which covers him like a tent in
a hard rain resumes his patrol which consists
of 23 steps from men’s shirts, past eyeglasses
and small hats to print scarves, and 23 steps
back. Except for the move toward the break-
dancing boy, the floorwalker has not varied
his route nor his pace for two hours.

The woman returns and asks the man if he
heeds more time or is he ready to go.

This is a marital code used by all wives
which means the store sucks and the husband
is somehow partly responsible.

The woman holds the man steady until he
feels he can move his legs and they leave the
store.

A sign above the door says “Thank you for
shopping at Macy’s.”

You're welcome.

_DID YOU KNOW THAT?

5th SuSS: Auto Marine
: Sidney
656-Part 28)

Now Stocks ©

€ Quorn SIDNEY TOAST ;

Deliver a simple
pleasure. Love
deserves no less.

Auto Paris
‘Marine Supplies
_ Fishing Supplies.

SEOs

; ih 656-3313 - Rhys Davis Bait
ahs *Open 7 days a week*
Catia z Phone 656-Part (7278)
THIS COULD BE 5
THESTARTOF _ | GENERATIONS

SOMETHING BIG

Mrs. Agnes Broom with
Great, Great Grandson Cody,
Great Grandmother Audrey

Masters, Grandmother
‘| Corrina Wright & Cody’s
Mom Rachael.

STILL SOME TICKETS LEFT
CLYDE WELLS

Premier of Newfoundland
speaking of Canada’s
future.
TUESDAY SEPT 25,
1990
12:00 NOON

Princess Mary Restaurant, Victoria
TICKETS $25 Available at
TANNERS BOOKSTORE
or PHONE 656-1687

Conservatives open office

A NEW HOME for the Saanich-Gulf Islands
Progressive Conservative Association opened
Saturday at 103-2527 Beacon Ave., Sidney. For-
mer Conservative MPs Pat Crofton and Don
Munro joined in snipping the ribbon. The office
is open 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Monday to Friday.

kK *

SAILING INTO THE SUNSET in her new
boat and motor is Marg Sheane of Vancouver,
who won the Sidney Shrine Club’s boat raffle.
The $13,000 prize included a 15-foot boat, a
motor and trailer. Sheane’s ticket, number
009773, was drawn Saturday in Sidney. Proceeds
from the raffle will help support treatment for
physically disabled children.

* x x

FREE SOFTWARE to help non-profit groups
organize their membership and mailing lists is
offered by Richmond Software of Vancouver.
The company has 650 copies of an older version
of the IBM-compatible Maximizer 1.6 software
available. For a copy, write Janette Peters of
Richmond Software on your group’s letterhead,
providing the group’s non-profit group number
and $12 to cover shipping and handling. For more
information or to order contact Peters at 299-2121
or write Richmond Technologies and Software,
Suite 420, 6400 Roberts St, Burnaby, B.C., V5G
4€9.

* x *

KNOW A SUPER SENIOR? Nominations are
being accepted for this year’s B.C Senior Award,
which includes a Brock House Society Medal and
a $5,000 Bank of Montreal non-taxable grant. The

recipient is chosen on the-basis of long-term
volunteer community service and should be
nominated by two people. Supporting documenta-
tion, not exceeding five pages, and the nomination
should be sent to The Brock House Society, 3875
Point Grey Road, Vancouver, B.C, V6R 1B3, by
Sept. 30.
kK &

NOW READ THIS...nominations for Canada’s
Literacy Volunteer Awards, to honor volunteers
and groups who have contributed to literacy in the
community, are due by Sept. 30. Nomination
forms are available at local libraries. Up to 50
certificates will be presented later this fall.
Victoria-based Project Literacy hosts the second
annual Peter Gzowski Invitational Golf Tour-
nament at Uplands Golf Club Friday, Proceeds
go to support adult literacy projects in Canada.

x * *

TOWN HALL MEETING
Talk by
THE HONOURABLE MEL COUVELIER
MLA Saanich North & the Islands
followed by
Questions & Answer Period

COME ONE, COME ALL
AND BRING A FRIEND

Refreshments will be served

GREENGLADE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - 2151 Lannon
Way, Sidney off Weiler Ave. or Northbrook, and between
the Pat Bay Hwy. & Canora Rd., 7:30 PM.

Patio Doors &
Window Screens
; j

Crpital

GLASS & UPHOLSTERY

CALL US FOR:

fil CBC CLAIMS
a PROMTLY HANDLED

And All Your
Glass Needs!

* EMERGENCY NUMBER 656-2077 x
¢ 5-10025 GALARAN RD. 656-1313

7 The Baha’i faith teaches:
Baha the oneness of God

the oneness of religion
the oneness of humanity

For further reading material and/or
contact Bahai community. Please call. . .

656-3599 656-0601 652-5922

fi NOVUS "eos

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