with this -alvility,

Wanted: One car.
Not just any car, you understand,
The minimum requirements -are

four tires, with drive shaft: and.

motor attached, a stecring wheel
and either brakes or an easily
opened driver’s door and a set of
runners with good tread. .

It should run on excess verbiage
by politicians (I have access to a
good supply), getting roughly the
same mileage out of a promise to
build a Vancouver Island natural
gas pipeline as that enjoyed by

politicians.

It should NEVER need repairs.
EVER. Perpetual motion machine,
that’s, what I’m after.

Price negotiable, provided it is

very slightly used truck — you
tow.

In search of this. vehicle I: have
been. wandering. around car lots
lately, kicking tires and annoying

‘people with money.

‘the car selling trade. The first rule

~.is not to kick. tires while» wearing

_open-toed sandals.
The second rule is to go alone. 1

offer on a Car: for himself. .

“was indeed. in ‘perpetual motion,

~<- spewing - thick: ‘clouds..of smoke.

~ from the: engine. I: figured: the
“salesman wanted :to sell it before
‘the éruption.

“Lmoved out of | range and kicked

~ more ‘lires.
The: third rule is to ignore con- :
“sumer advice books. There.is an

‘amazing correlation between the

-with Mainland car. dealers and

functionally illiterate,
But the consumer books, aside

‘suggestions.
options, the. books warn. Options

“break ‘down.

-Teagree, but coneets the buyer
should pick up some.options, For
example, tires shauld be bought to
go with the wheels, even it they
are classified as-an. option,

Insist that the doors be. included
as standard equipment,

If- you're buying a used vehicle

test drive sind park ie heside a car

bodies, grill the ¢
habits of the previous owner,

want a buill-in-back: seat driver
Consumer books warn: against
sub- -COMpacts, noting such vehi-

seni tractor trailers,

I've decided 0 Sveriodk this
“warning, since the only vehicle
which fits into. my. income is.of a
size bat would be totalled: by

_ collision. with a large bug insect,

assorted provincial and federal .

less than $527. Will throw in one

salesmen who prefer to: talk 9,

‘dragged Dad ‘onto one lot. Within»
-§0 seconds .he was hard in ‘the.
~ clutches of a salesman, making an.

~The car which:caught his” eye

vehicles recommended by con- °
sumer books ‘and the highesr-, :
: priced vehicles on the lo
I'd suspect the ‘salesmen read’
_ the. books, if previous ‘experience

their written warrantics hadn’t
@ aught me such big-city folks arc.

‘from touting the highest-priccd -
“cars on the lot, do offer a few good ©

‘Don’t -buy a car with a lot of.

increase the price and are likely tof

~ Of the more esoteric Options, the
‘only: usefil one is the recently -
developed computerized voice
which turns some Mpses Ve models
~ into talking CATs

wake i oul ona
wrecking. yard. Amid-the nusting

Initks of crushed and mutilted caro
aron. the driving:

cles fare badly in collisions with. f

. The attack of the tire kicker’

not Volkswagen).

The books also advocate such
considerations as mechanical reli-
ability, case of servicing und gas
mileage, recommending the
would-be car owner poll current
owncrs of the models under con-
sideration on these points.

] tied it. Three people decked

me, four snarled and one grabbed |

a $2 bill out of my hand and gave
me his car keys. (The car wouldn’t
Start.)

The books also recommend a
mechanic’s inspection before buy-
ing, an idea I abandoned after
finding the cost of the inspection
exceeded the price of the car.

The books warn against buying
acar for style or color. I figure I’m
immune, (Except perhaps tor that
sporty little black number over
yonder with the sunroof and the
matching sky-high price tag.) I
bought my first car years ago

But I have been learning about |

WA

Every Wallpaper’

If you decide 10 buy the vehicle, f
a though, make sure. you rip out the §
oyvires of the voice. box, You don't J

THIS iS THE
WALLPAPER SALE

FOR BEST SELECTION

“Book Pattern,

Sat 9.00 am-6:30 pm, Ban. 10.00 A400 pm

because it was cheap and

“ pretty...then spent the next three

months pushing it around the Sun-
shine Coast.

No hunk of plastic, metal and
gears. has ever scized my heart
although some have, on occasion,
caused heart scizure.

Besides, too much sporty and
you collect speeding tickets while
the car is parked. That’s an expen-
sive hobby at $75 a shot, almost as
pricey as stabling your horsepower
in downtown Sidney.

Right now I’m still searching for
suilable horsepower. to stable,
striding from lot to lot and doing
comparisons on the resilicnce of

various tires. ~

It’s really very Simple. All
need is cheap, ultra-reliable trans-
portation that costs little to buy
and nothing to operate. It isn’t too
much to ask, is it?
~ Wanted: One car.

"SALE DATES:

: FLAT. eeu A: , :
THAT EVERYONE |tstex Sloe 9599
; v : INTERIOR / fe . - PREMIUM : 32/88
‘ON AITS FOR: SATIN: : $199 9 PAINTS |
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Mon. - Fri: 6,00 am-8:30 pm

_ SEPT. 4st - 2am, ‘89

rT $4499
fe ah
PLUS MORE | iN- STORE DEALS:

“Every An- Stock Pattern | ae
EVERYTHING!!! Choose from our Super Selections or find it anywhere,”
but buy it from Cloverdale. and you: Il save

Mon + Thum: 7:40 am-5: a0 pm, Fl: 7:30 amd; Oo pin
Sat 8.00 nm 5.30 pM,

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HOURS HOURS.

Sun! 10: 00 am-4-00 pm ~ Saturday: 9:00 an-6'80 pm ,

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